I have been waiting to write this post until the sad missives stopped arriving, and I believe that day has finally come. The stream of emails to my inbox from hurt or deceived women has ceased. Jenni is healing and has moved on. Our blogging community proved itself capable of surrounding and protecting our own. Thomas Murray, and all his ridiculous, self-aggrandizing attempts at dazzling (and possibly victimizing) women searching for their heart’s love, is a pathetic chapter I will be glad to close.
But not without some final words.
Sometime ago I received an email from a woman I will call “Kay.” I am choosing to relate her story here because it demonstrates that Thomas’ approaches and avenues are varied and adaptable. Kay, like a lot of women, found my Thomas Murray posts through a Facebook friend who had also had dealings with Thomas at some point in the past. (Is it just me or are there an exhausting number of such women?! How in God’s name does he keep track? I’m envisioning a massive Excel spreadsheet…)
But I digress.
Thomas contacted Kay via Yahoo Personals sometime in 2006, using an alias of “Noah.” She was living in Texas; he in Oklahoma. She had no idea he was married, and they began “a whirlwind romance.” She shared some of his loving and romantic phrases with me, and they were easily recognizable as his trademark “love bombing” technique. (One of my commentators coined that term and, frankly, I freaking love it. Makes me smile every time….) According to Noah/Thomas, he was divorced, with two sons, and his ex-wife worked for his mother in their family-owned cosmetic import/export business dealing with high-end department store cosmetic brands. [Note to liars: pick something you know something about. There is no import/export business for department store cosmetics.]
Fortunately for Kay, the “in-person” portion of their romance was abruptly interrupted when he told her that his company was relocating him to the Middle East to “stop bad people from doing bad things.” (Btw, I’m laughing so hard right now I can barely type. Oh, Thomas, you are nothing if not entertaining!) They tried to stay in touch, but Kay decided that the relationship didn’t have enough to keep it going. They agreed to be friends and that seemed to be the end of it.
Reality check: Sometime in late 2006 or early 2007, Thomas and his family relocated to the Virgin Islands, where they purchased the small resort building that they currently own and manage. So, unless the Iraqis surreptitiously invaded St. Thomas without the U.S. press or government noticing, it’s a pretty sure bet that he moved to paradise and not a war zone. But more on his war zone activities later…
Fast forward to 2011: Kay and Thomas stayed occasional email friends over the years, until last spring, when their emails increased in frequency. Kay reports that Thomas had dramatically changed in the years since she’d really known him, becoming more aggressive and bossy and critical. She relates how he immediately began offering her “advice” concerning the improvements she needed to make in order to be worthy of him (for those of you keeping track of red flags, this is a big one). She also noted that he had lost a great deal of weight, which he attributed to the injuries he’d suffered from being ambushed in the Middle East and taking on shrapnel. Once again, I’m chuckling so hard typing is difficult… Thomas never was one to waste a perfectly good lie. Might as well get as much mileage as possible out of it, I guess! As a side note, Kay surmises that he actually had lap-band surgery in the intervening years, as his diet was consistent with the post-surgical maintenance recommended for that procedure. I find this small point particularly hilarious, given Thomas’ brutal assault on others’ lack of self-discipline…. Guess we all need a little help once in a while, eh, Thomas? It was also during this time that Thomas began pressuring Kay to meet him in….. <drumroll, please>…. beautiful, sunny Puerto Rico! She declined, telling me that his “life coaching” had turned her off and she simply stopped communicating with him.
Lucky, lucky woman, no?
Kay, as well as others I heard from, commended Thomas’ excellent taste in women as his one redeeming quality. I would like to second that sentiment. Loudly. I have heard from some very articulate, intelligent women whose email signatures suggest impressive professional achievements. At least he has that going for him. What a shame he’ll never be worthy of any of those women.
A final reminder: Ladies, be careful. Noah/The T/Thomas/Tommy… a chameleon changes his colors, but not his nature. I don’t care what his name is, if he’s love bombing you and he’s never met you, proceed with extreme caution. If he really thinks you’re amazing, you “feel like home” to him, and he’s never met anyone like you, he’s going to be willing to hang tough while he earns your trust. We’re grown-ups now; we have to take care of ourselves and each other. The Thomases of this world are the “bad guys doing bad things.” And, in a dogfight with those “bad guys,” my money is on the smart, determined woman every. single. time.
And on that note, I close the book on Thomas Murray. Good riddance to bad rubbish.