the best thing I can say about thomas murray? he has a lovely daughter….

Today, as I was juggling getting Bryn off to soccer and Sabrina off to her dad’s with the nanny, I heard a familiar ping on my iPhone.  To my shock, this is the comment that I was being asked to approve on my post “thomas murray, epilogue”:

hi…my name is alexis and this man you continue to blog about is my father. though this is very hard to read it is very believable. im aware of the actions of my father but hopefully this will change your mind of wanting to marry a man like this. i love my dad dearly and he is an active person in my life. i am very aware of everything bad he has done to you women and i am so sorry i couldnt apologize enough and me being a girl my self my question would be would he want a man to do this to me? luckly my mom has raised me using my dad as an example.

In a week during which I have traded multiple emails with yet another of Thomas’ victims — this being the worst I have yet heard from — this comment really choked me up.  Thomas Murray is like the anti-George Bailey — everything he touches makes me want to cry.

Here is my response to her:

When Separated Dad read this comment, he immediately texted me, and my response to him was “Wow. Just wow.”

I stand by my words.

Alexis, you are a remarkable young woman to have the courage and poise to post here and I applaud you passionately. How in the world did you find me? I am sorry that you had to witness the intensity with which I believe your father is a class A schmuck — less for what he did or tried to do to me and more for what he actually did to countless other women. I have no interest in hurting you or any of his family. I am of the firm belief that he, and he alone, is responsible for his actions. You need never apologize for his behaviors. They are his alone.

I am enormously angry with him for not providing you a better role model of a man. It is a father’s duty — and HONOR — to be the best man his daughter has ever met. I wish for you that you had that role model. (Are you listening, Thomas? This should be your moment of greatest shame. What you have done to the women you have played pales in comparison to how you have failed this young woman in your opportunity to provide her with a proper role model of a good man. Shame on you! That you should ever — EVER — put your lovely daughter in the position of having to apologize for your behavior is simply atrocious!!!)

I blame your father for not being a better man, but I do not fault you for loving him. He is your father, and it is only understandable that you would love him. But I am incredibly proud of your mother for having raised you to see your father for the duplicitous creature that he is. Every child, particularly nearly grown ones, deserves to comprehend his or her parents as fully flawed humans. And in warning you of his behaviors, hopefully your mother has insulated you from the age-old tendency of girls to seek men like their fathers. In your case, it would not be a wise decision.

Again, I am sorry that you had to read my words. You are likely young enough that I would not have wanted you to have seen them, but I suppose that the universe had other plans. Please just know that now that I know of your existence, I will include you in my prayers and hope that you never lose the amazing grace you have demonstrated here.

Good luck, my dear. xo

And her incredibly sweet reply to me (cannot you feel the sweetness and youth in her words??):

Well thank you! I promise everything will turn out for the best thanks so much for your interest and replying to me! Means a lot that you took the time and again I can only apologize for the hurt he has caused all of you young women if I could change what happened I most definetly would! I wish you all the best. Thank You, Alexis Murray

Even after all I have heard about him and all that I know from personal interactions, these comments from Alexis moved me more than anything else I have received.  That any young woman should ever be called upon to apologize for her father is nothing less than heartbreaking to me.  The men in my life have busted their ass to show me how a woman should be treated and what integrity looks like.  I absolutely hate that Alexis has not had that experience and I pray to God (quite literally) that whatever subconscious psychology is at play never tempts her to entertain a relationship with a man like her father.  Even from a few paragraphs, I can see easily that she deserves so much more from a partner.

For those of you following the saga, Jenni recently wrote another post, capturing the latest developments.  As you’ll see from her post, neither of us blogs fully about the emails we receive, as the writers are frequently humiliated and/or frightened, and ask us to protect their identities.  But we will both continue blogging in general terms.  It keeps our blogs high up in the Google search engines when his name is searched.  And really, that’s the  only point.

No more, Thomas.  Grow up.  Be a real man.  Give your lovely daughter a father she can be unequivocally proud of.  Because she absolutely deserves it.


Filed under relationships, thomas murray

5 responses to “the best thing I can say about thomas murray? he has a lovely daughter….

  1. In the midst of the dinner rush, I too was alerted of an incoming comment. Miss Alexis, the dear sweet offspring of a man despicable enough to darken the surname he’d labeled her with, took the time to apologize for her father’s transgressions. It’s not often I’m lost for words… Yet I’m happily humbled by a sparking teenage beauty with the soul of her mother and (whether we like to admit it or not) the tenacity of her father, she verbalized our worst fears and made every effort to honor him in any way she could. He does not deserve her faith, in the same way he doesn’t deserve the 30 women he’s betrayed. Her bold bravery and unwavering loyalty pay hommage to a job done well as a father. perhaps his gift to his lifetime lies in his children, as we all hope our own efforts are acknowledged. Alexis, my dear, your mother is to be commended. I apologize with every fiber of my heart that my experience with a man your mother is so right about, caused you to apologize unnecessarily.

  2. Krazman

    Even after reading your stories, I am amazed at your disregard for this young girls feelings. What adult would publish this plea to you both to stop the countless self promoting rants about her father. It seems a little desperate and immature by all parties.

    • Too bad that I recognize you and know your self-interested point of view. :-). And you’ll be sorry to hear that your daughter, ahem, the young woman granted permission for me to publish this post. 🙂 please go away. Again.

  3. Karzman

    Just another reader of your blog. Permission or no permission, still just do not see how it would be right. I feel sorry for you all.


    • “Jason”,

      Maybe you need to read a little further. Those posts were a long time ago. And Jenni and I have heard from lots of other women who narrowly escaped the same fate she suffered at Thomas’ hands. His daughter wrote in because even she was glad that we were helping other women not get hurt. Sometimes female solidarity supercedes family blood.

      Regardless, we are all in much better places now, and wiser for our experiences. There’s honestly no need to feel sorry for us. It’s all good. It’s Thomas that you should pity.

      Btw, why the name change? Interesting….

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