thomas murray, epilogue

I have been waiting to write this post until the sad missives stopped arriving, and I believe that day has finally come.  The stream of emails to my inbox from hurt or deceived women has ceased.  Jenni is healing and has moved on.  Our blogging community proved itself capable of surrounding and protecting our own.  Thomas Murray, and all his ridiculous, self-aggrandizing attempts at dazzling (and possibly victimizing) women searching for their heart’s love, is a pathetic chapter I will be glad to close.

But not without some final words.

Sometime ago I received an email from a woman I will call “Kay.”  I am choosing to relate her story here because it demonstrates that Thomas’ approaches and avenues are varied and adaptable.  Kay, like a lot of women, found my Thomas Murray posts through a Facebook friend who had also had dealings with Thomas at some point in the past. (Is it just me or are there an exhausting number of such women?!  How in God’s name does he keep track? I’m envisioning a massive Excel spreadsheet…)

But I digress.

Thomas contacted Kay via Yahoo Personals sometime in 2006, using an alias of “Noah.”  She was living in Texas; he in Oklahoma.  She had no idea he was married, and they began “a whirlwind romance.”  She shared some of his loving and romantic phrases with me, and they were easily recognizable as his trademark “love bombing” technique.  (One of my commentators coined that term and, frankly, I freaking love it.  Makes me smile every time….)  According to Noah/Thomas, he was divorced, with two sons, and his ex-wife worked for his mother in their family-owned cosmetic import/export business dealing with high-end department store cosmetic brands. [Note to liars:  pick something you know something about.  There is no import/export business for department store cosmetics.]

Fortunately for Kay, the “in-person” portion of their romance was abruptly interrupted when he told her that his company was relocating him to the Middle East to “stop bad people from doing bad things.”  (Btw, I’m laughing so hard right now I can barely type.  Oh, Thomas, you are nothing if not entertaining!)  They tried to stay in touch, but Kay decided that the relationship didn’t have enough to keep it going.  They agreed to be friends and that seemed to be the end of it.

Reality check:  Sometime in late 2006 or early 2007, Thomas and his family relocated to the Virgin Islands, where they purchased the small resort building that they currently own and manage.  So, unless the Iraqis surreptitiously invaded St. Thomas without the U.S. press or government noticing, it’s a pretty sure bet that he moved to paradise and not a war zone.  But more on his war zone activities later…

Fast forward to 2011: Kay and Thomas stayed occasional email friends over the years, until last spring, when their emails increased in frequency.  Kay reports that Thomas had dramatically changed in the years since she’d really known him, becoming more aggressive and bossy and critical.  She relates how he immediately began offering her “advice” concerning the improvements she needed to make in order to be worthy of him (for those of you keeping track of red flags, this is a big one).  She also noted that he had lost a great deal of weight, which he attributed to the injuries he’d suffered from being ambushed in the Middle East and taking on shrapnel.  Once again, I’m chuckling so hard typing is difficult… Thomas never was one to waste a perfectly good lie.  Might as well get as much mileage as possible out of it, I guess!  As a side note, Kay surmises that he actually had lap-band surgery in the intervening years, as his diet was consistent with the post-surgical maintenance recommended for that procedure.  I find this small point particularly hilarious, given Thomas’ brutal assault on others’ lack of self-discipline….  Guess we all need a little help once in a while, eh, Thomas?  It was also during this time that Thomas began pressuring Kay to meet him in….. <drumroll, please>….  beautiful, sunny Puerto Rico!  She declined, telling me that his “life coaching” had turned her off and she simply stopped communicating with him.

Lucky, lucky woman, no?

Kay, as well as others I heard from, commended Thomas’ excellent taste in women as his one redeeming quality.  I would like to second that sentiment.  Loudly.  I have heard from some very articulate, intelligent women whose email signatures suggest impressive professional achievements.  At least he has that going for him.  What a shame he’ll never be worthy of any of those women.

A final reminder:  Ladies, be careful.  Noah/The T/Thomas/Tommy… a chameleon changes his colors, but not his nature.  I don’t care what his name is, if he’s love bombing you and he’s never met you, proceed with extreme caution.  If he really thinks you’re amazing, you “feel like home” to him, and he’s never met anyone like you, he’s going to be willing to hang tough while he earns your trust. We’re grown-ups now; we have to take care of ourselves and each other.  The Thomases of this world are the “bad guys doing bad things.”  And, in a dogfight with those “bad guys,” my money is on the smart, determined woman every. single. time.

And on that note, I close the book on Thomas Murray.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

The End.

Advertisements

47 Comments

Filed under dating, internet dating, love, relationships, single mom, thomas murray

47 responses to “thomas murray, epilogue

  1. He sounds like my ex-husband. If it wasn’t for the kids (my ex has a vasectomy), it could be.

  2. Well I’m curious as to whether or not anybody has heard from him or the wife since all this ruckas started (besides all the nasty texts etc to Jenni).

    I really want to know if he got what he deserves, i.e. wife leaving etc.

    • I never had contact with his wife, OTW, so I’m not sure. But I agree with ET… He is clearly a very good liar and has been fooling her for many years. Unless she is a woman of amazing determination OR she had been waiting for a reason to leave, I suspect she will stay. And hope for better. And get just the same. Sigh.

  3. I doubt his wife will leave him….at first. He will promise the moon and she will want to forgive him. His lies crack me up! Good riddance ya pirate wannabe!

  4. Sounds like the shrapnel had more impact than his wee broken leg he got fighting off the dogs….

    Wait- were we talking about something important? 😉

  5. I gotta tell ya… I’m still astounded. How does a person remember all that stuff? Seriously.

    What happens to people like him that makes them this way? How does that happen? I mean… I don’t grasp, because I don’t think that way, how … any one person can manipulate SO many people… so well. I mean, he’s good at it. If the boy wrote books… he would be a millionaire.

    No, I’m not smitten… I’m not enthralled in that way, I’m befuddled? Dumbfounded … yet, thanks to Thomas and his antics I did see someone else I’ve know for a very long time more clearly than ever before. Which was cool… two people actually. One, due to T’s behaviors, I realized was not a player… just, stupud. 🙂

    Mind you, it’s despicable. He’s icky… cough! Hairball…

  6. He would comment on my blog, and sounded just too much to be real. But the last comment he left was full of rage, and that one really left me wondering about him. I hate guys like this, we all are not like this jerk!

  7. I never imagined the Thomas Murray web was woven as big and wide as it has been revealed to be. I have yet to chime in on my personal experience with Thomas, no surprise, it’s pretty much a carbon copy of what has been reported thus far.

    I’m blown away by so many of the details that were revealed by the amazing women of WordPress, ::CLINK:: and a huge CHEERS to you amazing women who dug and dug and linked the chain link fence together that now will keep The T out of many women’s lives.
    The wife, the true career, the lap band surgery, it just gets better and better.

    Oh I have pages and pages of communication that boy infiltrated my inbox with, I didn’t bother to save the texts – he even went so far as to give me access to a voicemail Jenni left for him in the beginning of the end that documented her having his wallet, etc…. as if to cover his ass and make her look bad when the shit was starting to hit the fan. I think he truly got nervous when this started to unfold and Jenni realized what the hell she had just experienced. He was still trying very hard to win me and was terrified that Jenni and I were talking.

    Oh this has been nothing but movie-like to follow.

    Good job ladies!

    • wow. you too??? unbelievable. His net sure did go far and wide.

      How the hell did he find time to work, be a husband?

      • Well it definitely explains why he always called from the car as he was driving home! Surely can’t walk in the door talking to prospective women AND greet your wife at the same time! He used to say bad cell reception was the reason he had to go, um, I think it was more like – Oops, I’m home, time to pretend I’m a loyal husband! Oy!

        • Oh the mountain on the way home that made his calls drop. What a liar. Can you imagine the amount of calls he had to make on that drive home? I can still hear him.

          T- Hi Baby, Have I told you today that you’re beautiful? I think every woman should hear that every day.

          Gag. I hope his lovely wife is composting his remains and filling her bed with gorgeous young tourists.

          He’s a nutcase. Plain and simple. He really started to flip out when I mentioned getting a test and when I told him it was positive and thought he’d calm down, he only got worse. Nothing made sense- and there were weird inconsistencies. My ticket was bought by someone with a middle eastern name, and the package I sent back to him was signed for by the same guy.

          He sent me a video of his “office” but honestly it’s him with a camera out on the balcony at the marina mall in St. Thomas. I don’t dare believe anything he said anymore.

          Good riddance!

  8. Wow. Precarious, I just waded through all three of your pieces, and Jenni’s as well. Jenni, please, finish. Innocents like me don’t have a clue what a setup for a roofie drugging might look like, and you could save us a hell of a lot of brain death.
    Here’s my Thomas story:
    My blog is a life-after-cancer type of thing. My husband was 47 when he died, and my therapist suggested it. Great idea, very theraputic. Time goes by, it’s been nearly 2 years, and like any normal woman, I write about what it would be like to date again, etc, etc. Thomas stumbles over my blog last fall, and we start to write. He didn’t try any of the ‘love-bomb’ antics with me, but here is the point. His writing to me coincided with a very vulnerable point in my life. My job was completely stressing me out, my kids were wobbly after Dad’s death and their impending graduations, and I was freaking lonely. I wrote about the anti-Christian government interference I was getting (I run a Christian preschool) and the measures I was taking to stop it.
    Now, understand, I am pretty bright, well-educated, affluent and self-directed. Thomas wrote me under the guise of an attorney, and actually gave me some pretty good advice that was supported by my own attorney. We called several times, and he gave me some ideas to pursue. Really, it’s remarkable to think about, given what I have seen written here.
    Anyway, I remarked to Thomas once during our phone calls how much I needed a sabbatical . (Still do.) He suggested I come down and stay in one of his properties, He would put me up and I could stay as long as I needed, in order to recover from the mind-boggling stress I was dealing with.
    Vulnerability is dangerous. People, we need each other. Jesus tells us to look out for each other, and what comes next is what saved me. Most of by GF’s go to a local Bible study, and we’re a ‘real’ bunch of women. Divorced, addicted, all kinds of things. They were very caring and supportive of me during these past difficult two years. I was relating them this idea I was considering of going to PR, and very gently, the response to a woman was “Victoria, here’s the deal. When you buy your ticket, show it to us next week, and we’ll happily rip it to pieces for you.”
    I laughed. Near miss, thank God.
    Precarious, a personal note. I enjoy the clarity and precision with which you write. Keep it up.

    Much love,

    Victoria

    • and the beat goes on……..

      • … and on…. and on…. Seriously, are we SURE that he actually had a job? I can’t figure out how he had the time to pursue so many simultaneously. I’m a champion multi-tasker and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pull this off…

        • I was under the impression he sold boats at usedboatyard.com? He writes a blog there as DD? In fact this is the beginning of a post from there dated Feb 13th ” It has been a few days since my last blog update, and I’m sorry to say I missed going to the New Orleans Boat show early last week, but I was recovering from a trip to Puerto Rico with some unforseen issues. At least I’m back and I’m able to catch up our readers on a bit of boating blog here and there.” Obviously referring to his litte interlude with Jenni. But he hasn’t written a blog post there since Feb 27th……..

    • Nothing surprises me at this point. I know in my heart that he targets women in their hour of need, but he is just the dirtiest, filthiest slime ball of all time. I think it’s time for one last kiss of death nail in the coffin for Mr. Murray.

      • Doesn’t your skin just crawl at this point? I honestly feel dirty reading this stuff. One can only hope that Lucifer has a special place in Hell that he’s making all cozy for the likes of Mr. Murray. 😀

    • Victoria, I’ve been MIA due to some work deadlines, but your comment has haunted me. First of all, I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your husband. How brave of you to write about that kind of grief and your process through it! I commend you.

      Second, it absolutely made me nauseated when I read how Thomas insinuated himself into your life. He truly has no shame or sense of decency, does he? If he won’t back off from a widow starting anew, no one is safe. The attorney thing was an interesting ruse. We haven’t found any indication that he actually received a law degree and I would bet my last dollar that he didn’t; he knew I was a lawyer and so it would have been a natural commonality for us to have discussed, but he never brought it up to me. He did to others, though, and his knowledge of the law suggests that he either worked closely with lawyers or perhaps took some classes at some point.

      I am so glad that you had such wonderful friends around you to temper whatever romanticism you were entertaining about Thomas. I did, too, actually — two work friends were a constant source of skepticism and a good counter to his attention.

      Anyway, I am glad that you shared your story, so thank you. I think, at this point, for me it’s much less about Thomas Murray the person so much as Thomas Murray the TYPE of predator. I hope that women read these comments and posts and pause — just a moment — before giving themselves over to one of his ilk. Surely there are enough good men that none of us need stoop to that level.

      Take care of yourself and good luck with everything — TPG

      • I’ve been thinking about this and wonder if he put any thought into ending these trysts. He was very good at starting, but ending them? Maybe that was the deal with his conditions, do this and I’ll see if you are worthy of me and all that. But with Jenni, he talked marriage and babies! Wtf? I will never understand the mind of a sociopath.

      • Thank you, Precarious. I appreciate your kind words. I think your last lines are exactly right, it is the TYPE of predator we need to be aware of. Bright, articulate, seemingly caring, and very, very dangerous. My case was a great example of being taken down a peg or three. I am not so bright and accomplished that I can’t fall for something like that.
        I think I am going to write Jenni under private cover, but reading her story reminds me so much of Natalee Holloway. Her mother was never the same.
        If you feel like pursuing the legal aspect of this, he was very specific about what kind of an attorney he was, who he worked for and what kind of work he did.
        Otherwise, how nice to get on with our lives. Keep up your good writing! I really enjoy it!

        Much love,

        Victoria

        • Victoria, I would actually be interested in that professional information, so if you don’t mind forwarding it, I’d appreciate it.

          thatprecariousgait@yahoo.com

          I wrote a post about the player who taught me well called “mike. finally.” You might read it. I think you might relate, unfortunately.

          Good luck and I hope that you are in a happier place now.

          TPG

  9. Pingback: Thomas Murray (Virgin Islands) – BEWARE | Four is a Family

  10. Jane Peters

    I am so grateful that you women have fought back against this animal. Unfortunately he is still out there victimizing women, if it wasn’t for your blog’s and vigilance he would have hurt a dear friend of mine. I’ve moved from the island last Nov. and he almost had her sucked into his lies & BS. It went on for 3 months and because thinks didn’t add up, she kept her guard up somewhat. After google turned up these stories, she has shut him down. I only wish there was a way, to let not only the web, but those closer to his home in the VI that he is a dangerous preditor. He is still at it, just keeping it closer to home. To the women of St. Thomas, St. John, and St. Croix, watch yourselves he is there and is getting more bold.

    • Oh boy. I hate the idea so that he is still preying on women! I wonder when he will step over the line and do something that will finally land him in prison.

      To be honest, although I try to refrain from judgment in these situations, I also have to wonder where the hell his wife is with this? Enough time has passed and yet she seems to be sitting quietly and allowing his behavior to continue. And, in doing so — in engaging in denial or refusal to take any action to check his behavior — she becomes complicit in his behavior and shares his karma. Not a debt I would ever want to have, that’s for sure!

      Thank you for writing. Please share these links with others in the islands. I want nothing more than for every woman there to avoid the heartache that he delivers. Ugh!

  11. T

    Well, it was June 21st that I met “T.J.” Pennsylvania. He was very friendly and then overly friendly. Something uncomfortable about him so I googled him and found your very valuable information. He said he works for PPL in Allentown. Be careful and keep this info coming to protect our sisters out there.

    • That sounds like our very own “T.” Thanks for the heads up. Was he now living in Pennsylvania?

      • Like the dangerously similar Tom Baker, I’m so surprised and didn’t we call that one a loooooong time ago? The guy is nothing less than a sociopath and I was just deciding to turn the other cheek… A week ago I registered 63 hits on my blog from the USVI’s and wrote a delicious little hate blog. I think I’ll post it now, because he deserves to have his name sink to the bottom of the muddle puddle, where all nasty bottom feeders belong. I know he’s reading this- because his narcisicm can’t handle all the bad publicity….

        Dear T, Thomas, TJ, Thomas Joseph Murray…whatever it is you’re calling yourself these days: A douche bag by any other name is still a douche bag- and for what you did to me, I will personally eviscerate you verbally until every woman unfortunate enough to have you cross her path, knows just how horrible you are. Game on, Tommy boy- you really picked the wrong girl to mess with, now didn’t you? xoxo Jenni

  12. Pingback: welcome back, thomas murray… or shall I call you “TJ” now? | that precarious gait

  13. Alexis Murray

    hi…my name is alexis and this man you continue to blog about is my father. though this is very hard to read it is very believable. im aware of the actions of my father but hopefully this will change your mind of wanting to marry a man like this. i love my dad dearly and he is an active person in my life. i am very aware of everything bad he has done to you women and i am so sorry i couldnt apologize enough and me being a girl my self my question would be would he want a man to do this to me? luckly my mom has raised me using my dad as an example.

    • When Separated Dad read this comment, he immediately texted me, and my response to him was “Wow. Just wow.”

      I stand by my words.

      Alexis, you are a remarkable young woman to have the courage and poise to post here and I applaud you passionately. How in the world did you find me? I am sorry that you had to witness the intensity with which I believe your father is a class A schmuck — less for what he did or tried to do to me and more for what he actually did to countless other women. I have no interest in hurting you or any of his family. I am of the firm belief that he, and he alone, is responsible for his actions. You need never apologize for his behaviors. They are his alone.

      I am enormously angry with him for not providing you a better role model of a man. It is a father’s duty — and HONOR — to be the best man his daughter has ever met. I wish for you that you had that role model. (Are you listening, Thomas? This should be your moment of greatest shame. What you have done to the women you have played pales in comparison to how you have failed this young woman in your opportunity to provide her with a proper role model of a good man. Shame on you! That you should ever — EVER — put your lovely daughter in the position of having to apologize for your behavior is simply atrocious!!!)

      I blame your father for not being a better man, but I do not fault you for loving him. He is your father, and it is only understandable that you would love him. But I am incredibly proud of your mother for having raised you to see your father for the duplicitous creature that he is. Every child, particularly nearly grown ones, deserves to comprehend his or her parents as fully flawed humans. And in warning you of his behaviors, hopefully your mother has insulated you from the age-old tendency of girls to seek men like their fathers. In your case, it would not be a wise decision.

      Again, I am sorry that you had to read my words. You are likely young enough that I would not have wanted you to have seen them, but I suppose that the universe had other plans. Please just know that now that I know of your existence, I will include you in my prayers and hope that you never lose the amazing grace you have demonstrated here.

      Good luck, my dear. xo

      • Alexis Murray

        Well thank you! I promise everything will turn out for the best thanks so much for your interest and replying to me! Means a lot that you took the time and again I can only apologize for the hurt he has caused all of you young women if I could change what happened I most definetly would! I wish you all the best. Thank You, Alexis Murray

  14. Pingback: the best thing I can say about thomas murray? he has a lovely daughter…. | that precarious gait

  15. Reblogged this on Another beautiful day in chaos… and commented:
    A fresh reminder that the person responsible for plenty of headaches, threats and pathological behavior did not just target me.

    • Jenni,

      I will forever remain surprised that you haven’t had the police look into this. The blogs by you and TPG are a comprehensive and necessary destruction. However, there is always the chance that there may be connected and unsolved crimes for which a name is needed so that DNA can be matached and a jail cell assigned…

      • I think initially I was embarrassed I could be so stupid and just wanted it to go away. After all the many women contacted me I decided I had to at least write about it but now that the threats are rolling in again after over a year, and after site traffic in and around his stomping grounds is back up again, I had no choice but to talk to the police. It feels like a huge relief to have protection under the law and I’ve forwarded the three more comments from him just today that have come in as well. I wish it could be a bad memory I could chalk up to experience and stupidity but he just won’t go away.

        • Jenni,

          I think every single woman who has commented on here, or just read the blog would agree that what you did wasn’t stupid. And it’s not just women, guys are sometimes easy prey for a woman with a smile and a wiggle.

          I also think all would agree that what happened to you isn’t something to chalk up to experience either. Sure we all have had relationships that didn’t work, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for anyone to exploit you so manipulatively. You never even had a ‘relationship’ with him in the sense that had a wife and family and was only trying to bed you.

          I’m glad to hear law enforcement is involved. Whether it has a result for your case, or whether this gets connected to past or future cases, the net is closing in…

          All the best, SD.

        • No, he won’t go away. At least not yet. It would appear that he is still intellectually-challenged enough to think that we will not continue blogging him into Google infamy in order to protect other women. His obvious hatred of women is only surpassed by our love for each other and faith in our sisterhood.

          I am glad you have involved the police. It would appear that I again need to employ the assistance of “friends” in the internet shadows to hunt him down and keep an eye on him. I made several calls today and it never takes long to find him… his trail is as long and slimy as a slug.

          After your mention of your site stats suggesting suspicious behavior, I checked my own and find that they mirror what you describe. I am not concerned, however, only bemused. I had nearly forgotten about him. Clearly, he is constantly reminded of us.

          I suspect his re-appearance is based on some recent loss that he attributes to you or all of us who blogged about him — a prospective lover who had the wherewithall to Google his name, another family member who realized what a toad he is and cut him off, the final decree of divorce from a woman who most certainly deserved better than him… And he always targeted you the hardest; perhaps because he perceived you as the most vulnerable. Regardless of what he thought or thinks or did or does, he will always be wrong. Because there is simply no version of this in which Thomas Murray comes out ahead. I promise you that. The prison he has created for himself will continue to close in, until he is a lonely old man with no one to care for him or wipe the food from his face or visit him in the nursing home. I know this because there is simply no other acceptable outcome. It is inevitable, given his present course.

          And the saddest thing is, we are not in control of that — he is. And he is driving his destiny straight toward that outcome. We are merely spectators to the train crash that is Thomas Murray.

  16. The police need to be told every single time someone preys on women like this; in some U.S. states — and many people don’t seem to know this — Internet harassment (and it is broadly defined) is a misdemeanor; i.e. you can have someone arrested for this.

    Calling a sociopath names other than that is a waste of time and emotional energy. They have no conscience. I was the victim of one, here in NY, in 1998 and he was completely terrifying, plenty of “love bombing” and when I was — like many of such victims — in a very low and vulnerable time of my life. They choose their victims very carefully. He had done jail time in Chicago, been all over the newspapers there. The cops and DA laughed in my face and refused to arrest or prosecute.

    Be careful.

    Here he is:

    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1994-06-09/news/9406090326_1_lake-forest-lake-county-jail-starck

    • So pathetic how many of these predators are out there… how they actually think they’re smarter — rather than simply less good — people than those they victimize. Their narcissism and arrogance is breathtaking.

      I hope that you have recovered from your ordeal,and that you gained some peace from his ultimate arrest. Thanks for sharing.

      TPG

tell me what's on your mind....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s