Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Boy, they really don’t make these challenges easy, do they?
My rule with this challenge has been to go with whatever my first gut answer is to the Day’s question. So, my answer today is that I hope I never have to break someone’s heart again. That may sound shallow or self-serving, but I promise you it’s sincere.
I know that I have hurt people in my life, and those actions and their consequences truly haunt me. I’m not talking about small offenses or the kinds of momentary hurts that we all shrug off almost immediately. No, I am talking about the kind of pain that is life changing and heart-altering. Indeed, my nightmares of late seem to be a catalog of apologies that I cannot possibly offer enough, wrongs that cannot be righted. For the most part, I have not been callous or cold in my life, and I can offer arguably justifiable reasons for many of my actions that hurt others. But in my heart I believe that we are responsible for all the pain we cause, justified or not, and that the tally of heartbreak we accrue in our lifetime will come back upon us at a later time.
Having said that, it’s not some fear of karmic retribution or hellish damnation that drives my sense of remorse. And I don’t actually believe that anyone is anywhere in this world hating my guts or cursing my name. I think my remorse is simply an evolving understanding of how harmful some hurts are and how difficult it is to fix them in any real sense of the word.
To the extent that I can, I have offered sincere apologies to everyone that I can. But knowing how deeply some of my own emotional injuries go, I know that I cannot erase the pain of another. I am grateful when an apology is accepted, but I know that the past cannot be changed and the wounds still bear scars.
So, while I know I will screw up and do the wrong thing sometimes, I do most deeply hope that my screw-ups don’t ever result in true and deep heartbreak for another person. Ever, ever again.