What can I say? I’m female. I like to change my look once in a while. I have friends I’ve known forever and furniture I refuse to part with, but my walls rarely stay the same color for more than a couple of years, and my hairstyle is likewise.
So, here we are: on my fresh, new page.
This is the third page theme I’ve incorporated, and my page’s evolution roughly traces my own….
My original blog “theme” or “look” was something called “Tarski,” which only means something to other bloggers. But basically it is a very rudimentary, stark, somewhat haunting, wispy, Asian-inspired theme that made me think of a solitary walk along a wintry New England beach. It wasn’t exactly warm, or friendly, but it very much represented how I felt as I took my first tentative steps to writing for mostly strangers. In those early weeks, I published prodigiously and told my friends that if even five people read my posts, I’d be happy and keep writing. Because it wasn’t for those five readers that I was actually writing; it was for me. I was reaching back to rediscover something I’d loved and given up during my 13-year relationship with my husband.
The first few times I clicked “Publish,” I literally did so with clammy palms. Dear Lord, what was I doing? I would fret to myself. But stringing those words together and making sense of the contents of my head was so very gratifying that I kept on clicking “Publish.”
And so my humble little blog was born…. of a love for words… of an attempt to rediscover something about myself I used to like… of plain and simple self-preservation.
Then things began to really get better in my “real” life. I passed into that mystical place in the post-divorce world wherein I realized that I was happy more than I was sad or frightened. My fledgling new life began to take a form, a shape of something I thought of as my “new normal.” My therapist gave me a little bird figurine, because I was finally learning to fly. I felt stronger, less tentative, but still very, very green….
And so I switched my blog theme. Tarski no longer seemed appropriate. Enter “Spring Loaded,” a theme heavy on greens and lushness and brightness. It was a happy theme, full of springtime promise. Young and vivid, just like I was feeling.
But it still never felt entirely personal, like it was me. Lots of other bloggers out there were using the identical theme; the only thing differentiating my blog from theirs were the words on the screen. Most of these themes allow for quite a bit of customization, but I’ve always steered clear of those theme options. Too many decisions. Too much personalization requiring too much introspection.
But no longer. One recent night, out of a boredom borne from stubborn insomnia, I began messing about with themes and found myself thinking, “Huh. Well, if I used that one, I’d change that and that. And I’d include a photo there and a little widget over there.” And then it occurred me: I was ready to customize my own page. Finally.
Now, I used to own a small residential interior design firm and I always told my clients that, if possible, they should live in a space for a bit before making any major design decisions, even including a color scheme. I suggested they develop a relationship with their home first and then take a sledgehammer to that wall and put that burgundy on the dining room walls. The same is true in life, I’ve come to believe. After a major change, you need to kind of just rest… establish a new relationship with yourself… figure out what you’re going to keep, what you’re going to renovate, and what needs to be demolished. Peer into the dark corners, pay attention to what you use and rely on and what’s wasted space, and generally get to know yourself like you would a new home. And then when you do, you can renovate and decorate your life (just as you would your home) with the confidence that it will adequately and accurately reflect who you are and how you want to live in it.
As for the choices I’ve made for this new page…. my close friends will not be surprised. Most likely, they will smile and see me in all of them. The raspberry title text is the same color as an accent wall in my bedroom. (So sue me, I’m a woman and I embrace every ounce of my femininity. Besides, I have always maintained that pink is soft and sexy…. at least all the pink parts of me are….) The baroque black and white background is lifted from the business cards of my now-defunct interior design business. And the boudoir image is exactly the kind of private room I’d have if I were a wealthy duchess living in a castle somewhere. (In fact, my ex-husband still has my leopard-print chairs that I loved…) The rest of the page is clean and modern and casual… again, in line with my sensibility.
So, basically, this new page represents a new chapter of the new me. I’ll probably change it again some day. Or maybe not.
Either way, thanks for reading. And I hope you like the new digs enough to stick around….