blindsided

I had shut my laptop, put my phone in the charger, turned out the light, and was hovering somewhere just on the edge of sleep when I heard it.

Ping.

I don’t know why I checked.  The person I wanted most to hear from wouldn’t send me an email.  But for some reason, I reached for my phone and pulled up my messages.

And there it was.  The name I thought I’d never see in my inbox or on my phone or in my life ever, ever again.

Mike.

With a message that starts “Hey old friend…”

What. The.  Fuck.

First of all, I loved this man with every inch of my body and soul, but to say that we were ever exactly “friends” is more than a little disingenuous.  Friends don’t do the awful things he did to me.  Friends don’t have to threaten legal action to make friends go away, like I did to him.  But maybe this is a word that is simply beyond his comprehension.  Like “love” and “fidelity” and “truth” and “compassion.”  He seems to have difficulty with the basics.

His message asked for advice about his divorce, which is dragging out.  Seriously?  You can’t spit in this town without hitting a lawyer, but he’s got to dig two years down in his little black book to uncover my name in order to obtain legal advice?

No, this is not about legal advice.

Mike is nothing if not strategic.  I don’t know what he’s doing or why.  I only know that just seeing his name staring up from my phone sent my adrenaline pumping in that “fight-or-flight” way that happens when you encounter real danger.

Why me?  Why now? Why, dear god, him?

Well, I’ll have all night to consider the answers, because I sure as hell won’t be sleeping.

Damn.

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5 Comments

Filed under dating, relationships

5 responses to “blindsided

  1. I agree! No responding. It’s manipulative from the get go. If he wanted to reconnect for real, he would, not through some sneaky sideways manoeuvring.

  2. I’m not sure how I came across your blog but I’m glad I did. I hope you don’t mind another reader. : ) – Lisa

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