are you kidding me?! (pt. 1)

The relationship between me and my ex has been deteriorating at the speed of light lately.  He seems to have decided that now that he and his girlfriend are going to be together forever, he can treat me like ex-husbands are supposed to treat ex-wives, which basically means like shit.  I have absolutely no idea why, with two children between us, he is so systematically dismantling the really nice co-parenting situation we created together, but he is.  And, oh, is he good at it, too.

I worked about a 14-hour day at work today.  While I was in a late meeting this evening, he texted me to say that he and his girlfriend, “Debbie,” had stopped by my house to see my eldest daughter who stayed home from school today with a terrible — but fake — illness of unknown origin and vague symptoms.   He had stopped by the house with Debbie before, so I thought nothing of it.

Until I got home and got the scoop from my nanny.

Apparently he had called our nanny in advance, ascertained that I wasn’t home, and then, for the first time ever, invited Debbie into my house with him when he stopped by.  Usually, per our understanding, we don’t bring friends of any sort into each other’s homes without permission when we stop to visit the girls.  I guess he forgot.  Or not.  Either way, it sounds like Debbie got quite the tour of my house while I was away and my nanny stood — silent, helpless, and uncomfortable — watching.

When I returned home at 11:00PM this evening, my nanny was beside herself.  She apologized and explained that she felt like it wasn’t her place to tell them to leave (which, of course, it wasn’t).

The crazy thing is that I’m not a privacy nut, and I don’t have anything against Debbie whatsoever.  But it’s one more thing in a growing list of examples of how my ex just can’t seem to show me the basic courtesy and respect that two adults should extend to each other.  If he had asked me first if they could stop by and she could come in, and I had been home at the time, I would have almost certainly said yes, but as it is I feel violated… as if they got a peep inside my life without my permission.

I cannot believe that he would think this is okay.  In fact, I don’t believe that he does.  Had I done this to him, he would probably change the locks, call his lawyer, and forbid my boyfriend to physically be anywhere on his property.  Seriously.  No, I don’t think he thought it was okay.  I think he didn’t care.  I think he wanted to stop by and see our daughter.  I think Debbie is naturally curious about me and my life and my home.   And I think he had an opportunity to satisfy that curiosity and he took it.

How was I ever married to this man?  And why, oh why, did I take so long to divorce him?

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2 Comments

Filed under divorce, relationships, single mom

2 responses to “are you kidding me?! (pt. 1)

  1. Ugh – this *is* not okay. I’m still heavily in the “good coparenting” stage, but don’t look forward to deterioration like this, though I know it is inevitable. And also, as “Debbie”, I would be uncomfortable in another woman’s house without her knowing I was there. I’m sorry for your day. Just know people are on your side 🙂
    c.

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